Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard. It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come
The day is not a bore
Filled with many chores
It is an opportunity
Grasp the moment, sieze it by the reins
To become who you dream to be
I have just learned how to breathe,
yet I desire to fly
To soar above on wings, like eagles
You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things. First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourself to whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you were already happy, and that will tend to make you happy.
Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher William James put it:
"Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.
Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, if our cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to act and speak as if cheerfulness were already there. . .
One thing only I know, and that is that I know nothing.
There’s magic, positive magic, in such phrases as: "I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.
Few people are logical. Most of us are prejudiced and biased. Most of us are blighted with preconceived notions, with jealousy, suspicion, fear, envy and pride. And most citizens don’t want to change their minds about their religion or their haircut or communism or their favorite movie star
"I made it a rule,” said Franklin, “to forbear all direct contradiction to the sentiment of others, and all positive assertion of my own, I even forbade myself the use of every word or expression in the language that imported a fix’d opinion, such as ‘certainly,’ ‘undoubtedly,’etc., and I adopted, instead of them, ‘I conceive,’ ‘I apprehend,’ or ‘I imagine’ a thing to be so or so, or ‘it so appears to me at present.’ When another asserted something that I thought an error, I deny’d myself the pleasure of contradicting him abruptly, and of showing immediately some absurdity in his proposition: and in answering I began by observing that in certain cases or circumstances his opinion would be right, but in the present case there appear’d or seem’d to me some difference, etc. I soon found the advantage of this change in my manner; the conversations I engag’d in went on more pleasantly. The modest way in which I propos’d my opinions procur'd them a readier reception and less contradiction; I had less mortification when I was found to be in the wrong, and I more easily prevaile'd with others to give up their mistakes and join with me when I happened to be in the right.
"He who treads softly goes far."
“All men have fears, but the brave put down their fears and go forward, sometimes to death, but always to victory
“I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among my people,” said Schwab, “the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement
Why did i play? Hmm... I felt lonely and was tired of my routine
had a very strange dream, I met and chted on Lauren
I spent a good bit of time from end of oct to the end of april playing First was leveling with chaewon. we had alot of fun, hit 60 first fight pvp against a 10lvl higher Mage school haha And the fights in world quests forests and out in the grassy plain beach And then I was doing random dungeons and met light He showed me horde side and i met onne. We did 1v1s and i beat both of them it was really exhilarating They showed me how to do mythic keys And raiding to get the drag mnt Then I would start camping people, do some bgs, it was such an awesome experience. I reallyed had alot of fun but chaewon lost interest around this point
9.0 released on novemverish and I took a week to level to 70. I started doing unranked 2s and i met Hoch. I was also farming callous leather and I made around 1.5 mil which ensured I didnt have to pay for sub for the rest of my journey Hoch showed me some things, some basics I also met a basic pala who was pretending to be gucci. I eventually outlearned him. there wasn't much to learn. He seem bit butthurt I also met dawn sound in tigarde he also pretended. eventually out ranked him and he also seemed butthurt He was doing alot of mythics tho later got ilvl 225 I remember the first time I had a good master is when i 1v2 palas. It was really amazing and I felt like i was getting getting stronger When rank released i played hard and got to 1450 because my set was broken. After some changes, i got set back to 1100 and i started playing with random just to get some xperience I also lvl my horde alt and during leveling i could dominate other lvlers due to my pvp experience then i got frustrated with ppl i was playing with I got better and push to 1400 again on my own I met another rg and we pushed really hard with broken strat, double duel and then we made it 1600. It was an amazing feeling! It happend in 2 months And then I did the same thing on my ally alt just found another random and push to 1600 multiple times I had a couple of close pushes to 1800 but what i was lacking was dmg rotation and was being too nervous My heart would beat too much I started playing rbg more often 2 big battles come to mind 1 guy, 'call of the blood' didn't like me so he said rog full. I made my own party with 3 rog and we won And we were smacking on him all fight in AV. I met him couple more times in the future. It did not end well for him. I ended up making a name for myself. I joined some other matches. The other rog in the 3 rog was competing against in diff battles. He ended up getting destroyed. just completely outplayed with 6 kidney, bridg sap, 2v1 outplay I also met cold. we had alot of fun messing around. doing 2s we eventually played tbc which was a bunch of leveling and showing ppl who the top dog was while leveling and ganging and warring. And then i kinda got tired of it. I didn't want to do it anymore. And i had to leave for military service And I wanted to be healthier So it stopped It was a good journey
Instrinsic motivation
Environment
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WIK
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DOCS
It’s the practice of not immediately filling upspace just because there’s a gap.
Noticing how we try to avoid it is a way to get intouch with basic groundlessness. Refraining—nothabitually acting out impulsively—has something todo with giving up entertainment mentality. Throughrefraining, we see that there’s something betweenthe arising of the craving—or the aggression or theloneliness or whatever it might be—and whateveraction we take as a result. There’s something there inus that we don’t want to experience, and we never doexperience, because we’re so quick to act.
Refraining is the method for getting to know thenature of this restlessness and fear. It’s a method forsettling into groundlessness. If we immediately en-tertain ourselves by talking, by acting, by thinking—if there’s never any pause—we will never be able torelax. We will always be speeding through our lives.We’ll always be stuck with what my grandfathercalled a good case of the jitters.
Once there was a young warrior. Her teacher toldher that she had to do battle with fear. w canI defeat you?” Fear replied, “My weapons are that Italk fast, and I get very close to your face. Then youget completely unnerved, and you do whatever I say.If you don’t do what I tell you, I have no power. Youcan listen to me, and you can have respect for me.You can even be convinced by me. But if you don’t dowhat I say, I have no power.” In that way, the studentwarrior learned how to defeat fear.
This is how it actually works. There has to be somekind of respect for the jitters, some understanding ofhow our emotions have the power to run us aroundin circles.
I do not have control over any of this
What parts of me should not change? Can this even be the case?
Lauren said that people should not marry unless they are comfortable being by themselves
What if she or I came from a pre-existing marriage?
As they stood there together, Ekwefi's mind went back to the days when they were young. She had married Anene because Okonkwo was too poor then to marry. Two years after her marriage to Anene she could bear it no longer and she ran away to Okonkwo.
It had been early in the morning. The moon was shining. She was going to the stream to getch water. Okonkwo's house was on the way to the stream. She went in and knocked at his door and he came out. Even in those days he was not a man of many words.
He just carried her into his bed and in the darkness began to feela round her waiste for the loose end of her cloth.
When people with a fixed mindset fail their test—in chemistry, dieting, smoking, or anger—they beat themselves up. They’re incompetent, weak, or bad people. Where do you go from there?
Next time you try to diet, think of Nathan and remember that willpower is not just a thing you have or don’t have. Willpower needs help. I’ll come back to this point
Regardless of how bad you may feel, do it! (Put that on your mirror, too.) And when you succeed, don’t forget to ask yourself: What do I have to do to maintain and continue the growth?
In my work, I see lots of young children like this—bright, seemingly resourceful children who are paralyzed by setbacks
He was not a softy. He did not tolerate coasting. If the players were coasting during practice, he turned out the lights and left: “Gentlemen, practice is over.” They had lost their opportunity to become better that day
Conclusion? Beware of success. It can knock you into a fixed mindset: “I won because I have talent. Therefore I will keep winning.” Success can infect a team or it can infect an individual. Alex Rodriguez, one of the best players in baseball, is not infected with success. “You never stay the same,” he says, “You either go one way or the other
What skill do i need to operate within math
Divine Comedy
Purpose gives direction to one’s efforts, but it does not necessarily makelife easier. Goals can lead into all sorts of trouble, at which point one getstempted to give them up and find some less demanding script by whichto order one’s actions. The price one pays for changing goals wheneveropposition threatens is that while one may achieve a more pleasant andcomfortable life, it is likely that it will end up empty and void of meaning.
The Pilgrims who first settled this country decided that the freedom toworship according to their conscience was necessary to maintain the integ-rity of their selves. They believed that nothing mattered more than main-taining control over their relationship with the supreme being. Theirs wasnot a novel choice for an ultimate goal by which to order one’s life—manyother people had done so previously. What distinguished the Pilgrims wasthat—like the Jews of Masada, the Christian martyrs, the Cathars ofsouthern France in the late Middle Ages who had chosen similarly—theydid not allow persecution and hardship to blunt their resolve. Instead theyfollowed the logic of their convictions wherever it led, acting as if theirvalues were worth giving up comfort, and even life itself, for. And becausethey acted thus, their goals in fact became worthwhile regardless of whetherthey had been originally valuable. Because their goals had become valuablethrough commitment, they helped give meaning to the Pilgrims’ existence.
No goal can have much effect unless taken seriously. Each goal prescribesa set of consequences, and if one isn’t prepared to reckon with them, thegoal becomes meaningless. The mountaineer who decides to scale a difficultpeak knows that he will be exhausted and endangered for most of theclimb. But if he gives up too easily, his quest will be revealed as having little value. The same is true of all flow experiences:there is a mutual relationship between goals and the effort they require.Goals justify the effort they demand at the outset, but later it is the effortthat justifies the goal. One gets married because the spouse seems worthyof sharing one’s life with, but unless one then behaves as if this is true, thepartnership will appear to lose value with time.
The wealth of options we face today has extended personal freedom toan extent that would have been inconceivable even a hundred years ago.But the inevitable consequence of equally attractive choices is uncertaintyof purpose; uncertainty, in turn, saps resolution, and lack of resolve endsup devaluing choice. Therefore freedom does not necessarily help developmeaning in life—on the contrary. If the rules of a game become too flexible, concentration flags, and it is more difficult toattain a flow experience. Commitment to a goal and to the rules it entailsis much easier when the choices are few and clear.
Inner conflict is the result of competing claims on attention. Too manydesires, too many incompatible goals struggle to marshal psychic energytoward their own ends. It follows that the only way to reduce conflict isby sorting out the essential claims from those that are not, and by arbitratingpriorities among those that remain. There are basically two ways to accom-plish this: what the ancients called the vita activa, a life of action, and thevita contemplativa, or the path of reflection
Someone who is in harmony nomatter what he does, no matter what is happening to him, knows that hispsychic energy is not being wasted on doubt, regret, guilt, and fear, but isalways usefully employed. Inner congruence ultimately leads to that innerstrength and serenity we admire in people who seem to have come to termswith themselves.
Is this something I really want to do? Is it something I enjoy doing? Am Ilikely to enjoy it in the foreseeable future? Is the price that I—and oth-ers—will have to pay worth it? Will I be able to live with myself if I accom-plish it?
But it is much more difficult to extend this state of beingthrough the entirety of life. For this it is necessary to invest energy in goalsthat are so persuasive that they justify effort even when our resources areexhausted and when fate is merciless in refusing us a chance at having acomfortable life. If goals are well chosen, and if we have the courage toabide by them despite opposition, we shall be so focused on the actionsand events around us that we won’t have the time to be unhappy. Andthen we shall directly feel a sense of order in the warp and the woof of lifethat fits every thought and emotion into a harmonious whole
In this chapter we have seen it demonstrated repeatedly that outside forcesdo not determine whether adversity will be able to be turned into enjoy-ment. A person who is healthy, rich, strong, and powerful has no greaterodds of being in control of his consciousness than one who is sickly, poor, weak, and oppressed. The difference between someone whoenjoys life and someone who is overwhelmed by it is a product of a com-bination of such external factors and the way a person has come to interpretthem—that is, whether he sees challenges as threats or as opportunities foraction
The “autotelic self” is one that easily translates potential threats into en-joyable challenges, and therefore maintains its inner harmony. A personwho is never bored, seldom anxious, involved with what goes on, and inflow most of the time may be said to have an autotelic self. The term literallymeans “a self that has self-contained goals,” and it reflects the idea thatsuch an individual has relatively few goals that do not originate fromwithin the self. For most people, goals are shaped directly by biologicalneeds and social conventions, and therefore their origin is outside the self.For an autotelic person, the primary goals emerge from experience evaluatedin consciousness, and therefore from the self proper.
The autotelic self transforms potentially entropic experience into flow.Therefore the rules for developing such a self are simple, and they derivedirectly from the flow model. Briefly, they can be summarized as follows:
1. Setting goals and challenges.
To be able to experience flow, one must have clear goalsto strive for. A person with an autotelic self learns to make choices—rangingfrom lifelong commitments, such as getting married and settling on a vo-cation, to trivial decisions like what to do on the weekend or how to spendthe time waiting in the dentist’s office—without much fuss and the minim-um of panic.
Selecting a goal is related to the recognition of challenges. If I decide tolearn tennis, it follows that I will have to learn to serve, to use my backhandand forehand, to develop my endurance and my reflexes. Or the causalsequence may be reversed: because I enjoyed hitting the ball over the net,I may develop the goal of learning how to play tennis. In any case goalsand challenges imply each other.
As soon as the goals and challenges define a system of action, they inturn suggest the skills necessary to operate within it. If I decide to quit myjob and become a resort operator, it follows that I should learn about hotelmanagement, financing, commercial locations, and so on. Of course, thesequence may also start in reverse order: what I perceive my skills to becould lead to the development of a particular goal that builds on thosestrengths—I may decide to become a resort operator because I see myselfas having the right qualifications for it.
And to develop skills, one needs to pay attention to the results of one’sactions—to monitor the feedback. To become a good resort operator, I haveto interpret correctly what the bankers who might lend me money thinkabout my business proposal. I need to know what features of the operationare attractive to customers and what features they dislike. Without constantattention to feedback I would soon become detached from the system ofaction, cease to develop skills, and become less effective
One of the basic differences between a person with an autotelic self andone without it is that the former knows that it is she who has chosenwhatever goal she is pursuing. What she does is not random, nor is it theresult of outside determining forces. This fact results in two seeminglyopposite outcomes. On the one hand, having a feeling of ownership of herdecisions, the person is more strongly dedicated to her goals. Her actionsare reliable and internally controlled. On the other hand, knowing themto be her own, she can more easily modify her goals whenever the reasonsfor preserving them no longer make sense. In that respect, an autotelicperson’s behavior is both more consistent and more flexible
2. Becoming immersed in the activity.
After choosing a system of action, aperson with an autotelic personality grows deeply involved with whateverhe is doing. Whether flying a plane nonstop around the world or washingdishes after dinner, he invests attention in the task at hand.
To do so successfully one must learn to balance the opportunities foraction with the skills one possesses. Some people begin with unrealisticexpectations, such as trying to save the world or to become millionairesbefore the age of twenty. When their hopes are dashed, most become des-pondent, and their selves wither from the loss of psychic energy expendedin fruitless attempts. At the other extreme, many people stagnate becausethey do not trust their own potential. They choose the safety of trivial goals,and arrest the growth of complexity at the lowest level available. To achieveinvolvement with an action system, one must find a relatively close meshbetween the demands of the environment and one’s capacity to act
For instance, suppose a person walks into a room full of people and de-cides to “join the party,” that is, to get acquainted with as many people aspossible while having a good time. If the person lacks an autotelic self hemight be incapable of starting an interaction by himself, and withdraw intoa corner, hoping that someone will notice him. Or he may try to be boister-ous and overly slick, turning people off with inappropriate and superficial friendliness. Neither strategy would be verysuccessful or likely to provide a good time. A person with an autotelic self,upon entering the room, would shift his attention away from himself tothe party—the “action system” he wishes to join. He would observe theguests, try to guess which of them might have matching interests andcompatible temperament, and start talking to that person about topics hesuspects will be mutually agreeable. If the feedback is negative—if theconversation turns out to be boring, or above one partner’s head—he willtry a different topic or a different partner. Only when a person’s actionsare appropriately matched with the opportunities of the action system doeshe truly become involved
Involvement is greatly facilitated by the ability to concentrate. Peoplewho suffer from attentional disorders, who cannot keep their minds fromwandering, always feel left out of the flow of life. They are at the mercy ofwhatever stray stimulus happens to flash by. To be distracted against one’swill is the surest sign that one is not in control. Yet it is amazing how littleeffort most people make to improve control of their attention. If reading abook seems too difficult, instead of sharpening concentration we tend toset it aside and instead turn on the television, which not only requiresminimal attention, but in fact tends to diffuse what little it commands withchoppy editing, commercial interruptions, and generally inane content.
3. Paying attention to what is happening.
Concentration leads to involve-ment, which can only be maintained by constant inputs of attention. Athletesare aware that in a race even a momentary lapse can spell complete defeat.A heavyweight champion may be knocked out if he does not see his oppon-ent’s uppercut coming. The basketball player will miss the net if he allowshimself to be distracted by the roaring of the crowd. The same pitfallsthreaten anyone who participates in a complex system: to stay in it, he mustkeep investing psychic energy. The parent who does not listen closely tohis child undermines the interaction, the lawyer whose attention lapsesmay forfeit the case, and the surgeon whose mind wanders may lose thepatient
Having an autotelic self implies the ability to sustain involvement. Self-consciousness, which is the most common source of distraction, is not aproblem for such a person. Instead of worrying about how he is doing,how he looks from the outside, he is wholeheartedly committed to hisgoals. In some cases it is the depth of involvement that pushes self-con-sciousness out of awareness, while sometimes it is the other way around:it is the very lack of self-consciousness that makes deep involvement possible. The elements of the autotelic personality are related to oneanother by links of mutual causation. It does not matter where onestarts—whether one chooses goals first, develops skills, cultivates theability to concentrate, or gets rid of self-consciousness. One can start any-where, because once the flow experience is in motion the other elementswill be much easier to attain
A person who pays attention to an interaction instead of worrying aboutthe self obtains a paradoxical result. She no longer feels like a separate in-dividual, yet her self becomes stronger. The autotelic individual growsbeyond the limits of individuality by investing psychic energy in a systemin which she is included. Because of this union of the person and the system,the self emerges at a higher level of complexity. This is why ’tis better tohave loved and lost than never to have loved at al
The self of a person who regards everything from an egocentric perspect-ive may be more secure, but it is certain to be an impoverished one relativeto that of a person who is willing to be committed, to be involved, and whois willing to pay attention to what is happening for the sake of the interac-tion rather than purely out of self-interest.During the ceremony celebrating the unveiling of Chicago’s huge outdoorPicasso sculpture in the plaza across from City Hall, I happened to bestanding next to a personal-injury lawyer with whom I was acquainted.As the inaugural speech droned on, I noticed a look of intense concentrationon his face, and that his lips were moving. Asked what he was thinking,he answered that he was trying to estimate the amount of money the citywas going to have to pay to settle suits involving children who got hurtclimbing the sculpture.Was this lawyer lucky, because he could transform everything he sawinto a professional problem his skills could master, and thus live in constantflow? Or was he depriving himself of an opportunity to grow by payingattention only to what he was already familiar with, and ignoring the aes-thetic, civic, and social dimensions of the event? Perhaps both interpreta-tions are accurate. In the long run, however, looking at the world exclusivelyfrom the little window that one’s self affords is always limiting. Even themost highly respected physicist, artist, or politician becomes a hollow boreand ceases to enjoy life if all he can interest himself in is his limited role inthe universe
4. Learning to enjoy immediate experience.
The outcome of having anautotelic self—of learning to set goals, to develop skills, to be sensitive tofeedback, to know how to concentrate and get involved—is that one canenjoy life even when objective circumstances are brutish and nasty. Being in control of the mind means that literally anything that hap-pens can be a source of joy. Feeling a breeze on a hot day, seeing a cloudreflected on the glass facade of a high-rise, working on a business deal,watching a child play with a puppy, drinking a glass of water can all befelt as deeply satisfying experiences that enrich one’s life.
To achieve this control, however, requires determination and discipline.Optimal experience is not the result of a hedonistic, lotus-eating approachto life. A relaxed, laissez-faire attitude is not a sufficient defense againstchaos. As we have seen from the very beginning of this book, to be able totransform random events into flow, one must develop skills that stretchcapacities, that make one become more than what one is. Flow drives indi-viduals to creativity and outstanding achievement. The necessity to developincreasingly refined skills to sustain enjoyment is what lies behind theevolution of culture. It motivates both individuals and cultures to changeinto more complex entities. The rewards of creating order in experienceprovide the energy that propels evolution—they pave the way for thosedimly imagined descendants of ours, more complex and wise than we are,who will soon take our place.
But to change all existence into a flow experience, it is not sufficient tolearn merely how to control moment-by-moment states of consciousness.It is also necessary to have an overall context of goals for the events ofeveryday life to make sense. If a person moves from one flow activity toanother without a connecting order, it will be difficult at the end of one’slife to look back on the years past and find meaning in what has happened.To create harmony in whatever one does is the last task that the flow theorypresents to those who wish to attain optimal experience; it is a task thatinvolves transforming the entirety of life into a single flow activity, withunified goals that provide constant purpose
1. Unselfconscious self-assurance
This attitude occurs when a person no longer sees himself in oppositionto the environment, as an individual who insists that his goals, his intentions take precedence over everything else. Instead, he feelsa part of whatever goes on around him, and tries to do his best within thesystem in which he must operate. Paradoxically, this sense of humility—therecognition that one’s goals may have to be subordinated to a greater entity,and that to succeed one may have to play by a different set of rules fromwhat one would prefer—is a hallmark of strong people.
To take a trivial but common example, suppose that one cold morning,when you are in a hurry to get to the office, the car engine won’t start whenyou try the ignition. In such circumstances many people become so increas-ingly obsessed with their goal—getting to the office—that they cannotformulate any other plans. They may curse the car, turn the ignition keymore frantically, slam the dashboard in exasperation—usually to no avail.Their ego involvement prevents them from coping effectively with frustra-tion and from realizing their goal. A more sensible approach would be torecognize that it makes no difference to the car that you have to be down-town in a hurry. The car follows its own laws, and the only way to get itmoving is by taking them into account. If you have no idea what may bewrong with the starter, it makes more sense to call a cab or form an altern-ative goal: cancel the appointment and find something useful to do at homeinstead
Basically, to arrive at this level of self-assurance one must trust oneself,one’s environment, and one’s place in it. A good pilot knows her skills, hasconfidence in the machine she is flying, and is aware of what actions arerequired in case of a hurricane, or in case the wings ice over. Therefore sheis confident in her ability to cope with whatever weather conditions mayarise—not because she will force the plane to obey her will, but becauseshe will be the instrument for matching the properties of the plane to theconditions of the air. As such she is an indispensable link for the safety ofthe plane, but it is only as a link—as a catalyst, as a component of the air-plane-person system, obeying the rules of that system—that she can achieveher goal.
2. Focusing attention on the world
It is difficult to notice the environmentas long as attention is mainly focused inward, as long as most of one’spsychic energy is absorbed by the concerns and desires of the ego. Peoplewho know how to transform stress into enjoyable challenge spend verylittle time thinking about themselves. They are not expending all their en-ergy trying to satisfy what they believe to be their needs, or worrying aboutsocially conditioned desires. Instead their attention is alert, constantlyprocessing information from their surroundings. The focus is still set bythe person’s goal, but it is open enough to notice and adapt to external events even if they are not directly relevant to what hewants to accomplish
To experience psychic entropy one must concentrateon the internal disorder; but by paying attention to what is happeningaround oneself instead, the destructive effects of stress are lessened. Second,the person whose attention is immersed in the environment becomes partof it—she participates in the system by linking herself to it throughpsychic energy. This, in turn, makes it possible for her to understand theproperties of the system, so that she can find a better way to adapt to aproblematic situation
3. The discovery of new solutions.
There are basically two ways to cope witha situation that creates psychic entropy. One is to focus attention on theobstacles to achieving one’s goals and then to move them out of the way,thereby restoring harmony in consciousness. This is the direct approach.The other is to focus on the entire situation, including oneself, to discoverwhether alternative goals may not be more appropriate, and thus differentsolutions possible
Whatever solution he adopts, if Phil takes himself, his needs, and hisdesires too seriously, he is going to be in trouble as soon as things do notgo his way. He will not have enough disposable attention available to seekout realistic options, and instead of finding enjoyable new challenges, hewill be surrounded instead by stressful threats.
Almost every situation we encounter in life presents possibilities forgrowth. As we have seen, even terrible disasters like blindness and para-plegia can be turned into conditions for enjoyment and greater complexity.Even the approach of death itself can serve to create harmony in conscious-ness, rather than despair.But these transformations require that a person be prepared to perceiveunexpected opportunities. Most of us become so rigidly fixed in the rutscarved out by genetic programming and social conditioning that we ignorethe options of choosing any other course of action. Living exclusively bygenetic and social instructions is fine as long as everything goes well. Butthe moment biological or social goals are frustrated—which in the longrun is inevitable—a person must formulate new goals, and create a newflow activity for himself, or else he will waste his energies in inner turmoil.Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi / 207
But these transformations require that a person be prepared to perceiveunexpected opportunities. Most of us become so rigidly fixed in the rutscarved out by genetic programming and social conditioning that we ignorethe options of choosing any other course of action. Living exclusively bygenetic and social instructions is fine as long as everything goes well. Butthe moment biological or social goals are frustrated—which in the longrun is inevitable—a person must formulate new goals, and create a newflow activity for himself, or else he will waste his energies in inner turmoil.Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi / 207
But how does one go about discovering these alternative strategies? Theanswer is basically simple: if one operates with unselfconscious assurance,and remains open to the environment and involved in it, a solution is likelyto emerge.
We all start with preconceived notions of what we want from life. Theseinclude the basic needs programmed by our genes to ensure survival—theneed for food, comfort, sex, dominance over other beings. They also includethe desires that our specific culture has inculcated in us—to be slim, rich,educated, and well liked. If we embrace these goals and are lucky, we mayreplicate the ideal physical and social image for our historical time andplace. But is this the best use of our psychic energy? And what if we cannotrealize these ends? We will never become aware of other possibilities unless,like the painter who watches with care what is happening on the canvas,we pay attention to what is happening around us, and evaluate events onthe basis of their direct impact on how we feel, rather than evaluating themexclusively in terms of preconceived notions. If we do so we may discoverthat, contrary to what we were led to believe, it is more satisfying to helpanother person than to beat him down, or that it is more enjoyable to talkwith one’s two-year-old than to play golf with the company president.
Human beings have also managed to utilize waste energy to serve theirgoals. The first major technological invention, that of fire, is a good example.In the beginning, fires started at random: volcanoes, lightning, and spon-taneous combustion ignited fuel here and there, and the energy of the de-composing timber was dispersed without purpose. As they learned to takecontrol over fire people used the dissipating energy to warm their caves,cook their food, and finally to smelt and forge objects made of metal. En-gines run by steam, electricity, gasoline, and nuclear fusion are also basedon the same principle: to take advantage of energy that otherwise wouldbe lost, or opposed to our goals. Unless men learned various tricks fortransforming the forces of disorder into something they could use, wewould not have survived as successfully as we have
The psyche, as we have seen, operates according to similar principles. The integrity of the self depends on the ability to take neutral or de-structive events and turn them into positive ones. Getting fired could be agodsend, if one took the opportunity to find something else to do that wasmore in tune with one’s desires. In each person’s life, the chances of onlygood things happening are extremely slim. The likelihood that our desireswill be always fulfilled is so minute as to be negligible. Sooner or latereveryone will have to confront events that contradict his goals: disappoint-ments, severe illness, financial reversal, and eventually the inevitability ofone’s death. Each event of this kind is negative feedback that producesdisorder in the mind. Each threatens the self and impairs its functioning.If the trauma is severe enough, a person may lose the capacity to concentrateon necessary goals. If that happens, the self is no longer in control. If theimpairment is very severe, consciousness becomes random, and the person“loses his mind”—the various symptoms of mental disease take over. Inless severe cases the threatened self survives, but stops growing; coweringunder attack, it retreats behind massive defenses and vegetates in a stateof continuous suspicion.
1. Unselfconscious self-assurance. As Richard Logan found in his study ofindividuals who survived severe physical ordeals—polar explorers wan-dering alone in the Arctic, concentration camp inmates—one common atti-tude shared by such people was the implicit belief that their destiny wasin their hands. They did not doubt their own resources would be sufficientto allow them to determine their fate. In that sense one would call themself-assured, yet at the same time, their egos seem curiously absent: theyare not self-centered; their energy is typically not bent on dominating theirenvironment as much as on finding a way to function within it harmoni-ously.
When a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates hismind wonderfully,” remarked Samuel Johnson, in a saying whose truthapplies to the cases just presented. A major catastrophe that frustrates acentral goal of life will either destroy the self, forcing a person to use allhis psychic energy to erect a barrier around remaining goals, defendingthem against further onslaughts of fate; or it will provide a new, more clear,and more urgent goal: to overcome the challenges created by the defeat.
Others, however, when con-fronted by much less intense levels of stress, might give up and respondby scaling down the complexity of their lives forever
The ability to take misfortune and make something good come of it is avery rare gift. Those who possess it are called “survivors,” and are said tohave “resilience,” or “courage.” Whatever we call them, it is generally un-derstood that they are exceptional people who have overcome great hard-ships, and have surmounted obstacles that would daunt most men andwomen. In fact, when average people are asked to name the individualsthey admire the most, and to explain why these men and women are ad-mired, courage and the ability to overcome hardship are the qualities mostoften mentioned as a reason for admiration. As Francis Bacon remarked,quoting from a speech by the Stoic philosopher Seneca, “The good thingswhich belong to prosperity are to be wished, but the good things that belongto adversity are to be admired.
Through these experiences I have come to see that the world is notworth much. The only thing that counts for me now, first and last, isGod. I am most concentrated when I pray with my prayer beads. ThenI am able to put my feelings to sleep, to calm myself and avoid becom-ing crazy. I believe that destiny rules life, and it makes no sense tostruggle too hard.... During my journey I have seen hunger, war,death, and poverty. Now through prayer I have begun to hear myself,I have returned toward my center, I have achieved concentration andI have understood that the world has no value. Man was born to betested on this earth. Cars, television sets, clothes are secondary. Themain thing is that we were born to praise the Lord. Everyone has hisown fate, and we should be like the lion in the proverb. The lion,when he runs after a pack of gazelles, can only catch them one at atime. I try to be like that, and not like Westerners who go crazyworking even though they cannot eat more than their daily bread....If I am to live twenty more years, I will try to live enjoying each mo-ment, instead of killing myself to get more.... If I am to live like a freeman who does not depend on anyone, I can afford to go slowly; if Idon’t earn anything today, it does not matter. It means that this hap-pens to be my fate. Next day I may earn 100 million—or get a terminalillness. Like Jesus Christ said, What does it benefit to man if he gainsthe entire world, but loses himself? I have tried first to conquer myself;I don’t care if I lose the world
I set out on this journey like a baby bird hatching from its egg; eversince I have been walking in freedom. Every man should get to knowhimself and experience life in all its forms. I could have gone onsleeping soundly in my bed, and found work in my town, because ajob was ready for me, but I decided to sleep with the poor, becauseone must suffer to become a man. One does not get to be a man bygetting married, by having sex: to be a man means to be responsible,to know when it is time to speak, to know what has to be said, toknow when one must stay silent.
To enjoy a mental activity, one must meet the same conditions that makephysical activities enjoyable. There must be skill in a symbolic domain;there have to be rules, a goal, and a way of obtaining feedback.118 / Flow
When you are thinking and meditating How do you commit the things your are dealing with in memory?
Need a strong frame of reference 'Ironclad'
Richard Logan proposes an answer based on the writings of many sur-vivors, including those of Viktor Frankl and Bruno Bettelheim, who havereflected on the sources of strength under extreme adversity. He concludesthat the most important trait of survivors is a “nonself-conscious individu-alism,” or a strongly directed purpose that is not self-seeking. People whohave that quality are bent on doing their best in all circumstances, yet theyare not concerned primarily with advancing their own interests. Becausethey are intrinsically motivated in their actions, they are not easily disturbedby external threats. With enough psychic energy free to observe and analyzetheir surroundings objectively, they have a better chance of discovering inthem new opportunities for action. If we were to consider one trait a keyelement of the autotelic personality, this might be it. Narcissistic individuals,who are mainly concerned with protecting their self, fall apart when the externalconditions turn threatening. The ensuing panic prevents them from doingwhat they must do; their attention turns inward in an effort to restore orderin consciousness, and not enough remains to negotiate outside reality.
Without interest in the world, a desire to be actively related to it, a personbecomes isolated into himself. Bertrand Russell, one of the greatest philo-sophers of our century, described how he achieved personal happiness:“Gradually I learned to be indifferent to myself and my deficiencies; I cameto center my attention increasingly upon external objects: the state of theworld, various branches of knowledge, individuals for whom I felt affec-tion.” There could be no better short description of how to build for oneselfan autotelic personality
When adversity threatens to paralyze us, we need to reassert control byfinding a new direction in which to invest psychic energy, a direction thatlies outside the reach of external forces. When every aspiration is frustrated,a person still must seek a meaningful goal around which to organize theself. Then, even though that person is objectively a slave, subjectively heis free. Solzhenitsyn describes very well how even the most degradingsituation can be transformed into a flow experience: “Sometimes, whenstanding in a column of dejected prisoners, amidst the shouts of guardswith machine guns, I felt such a rush of rhymes and images that I seemedto be wafted overhead.... At such moments I was both free and happy....Some prisoners tried to escape by smashing through the barbed wire. Forme there was no barbed wire. The head count of prisoners remained un-changed but I was actually away on a distant flight.”
autotelic personality
“nonself-conscious individu-alism,” or a strongly directed purpose that is not self-seeking. People whohave that quality are bent on doing their best in all circumstances, yet theyare not concerned primarily with advancing their own interests. Becausethey are intrinsically motivated in their actions, they are not easily disturbedby external threats. With enough psychic energy free to observe and analyzetheir surroundings objectively, they have a better chance of discovering inthem new opportunities for action.
The first one is clarity: the teenagers feel thatthey know what their parents expect from them—goals and feedback inthe family interaction are unambiguous.
The second is centering, or thechildren’s perception that their parents are interested in what they are doingin the present, in their concrete feelings and experiences, rather than beingpreoccupied with whether they will be getting into a good college or ob-taining a well-paying job.
Next is the issue of choice: children feel that theyhave a variety of possibilities from which to choose, including that ofbreaking parental rules—as long as they are prepared to face the con-sequences.
The fourth differentiating characteristic is commitment, or thetrust that allows the child to feel comfortable enough to set aside the shieldof his defenses, and become unselfconsciously involved in whatever he isinterested in.
And finally there is challenge, or the parents’ dedication to provide increas-ingly complex opportunities for action to their children.
THE AUTOTELIC PERSONALITY
impediments to flow considered thus far are located within the indi-vidual himself. But there are also many powerful environmental obstaclesto enjoyment. Some of these are natural, some social in origin. For instance,one would expect that people living in the incredibly harsh conditions ofthe arctic regions, or in the Kalahari desert, would have little opportunityto enjoy their lives. Yet even the most severe natural conditions cannotentirely eliminate flow.
social conditions that inhibit flow might be more difficult to over-come. One of the consequences of slavery, oppression, exploitation, andthe destruction of cultural values is the elimination of enjoyment. Whenthe now extinct natives of the Caribbean islands were put to work in theplantations of the conquering Spaniards, their lives became so painful andmeaningless that they lost interest in survival, and eventually ceased repro-ducing.
who have learned to control consciousness focusing attention is relativelyeffortless, because they can shut off all mental processes but the relevantones
When describing optimal experience in this book, we have given as ex-amples such activities as making music, rock climbing, dancing, sailing,chess, and so forth. What makes these activities conducive to flow is thatthey were designed to make optimal experience easier to achieve
Clear goals and feedback
A Challenging Activity That Requires Skills
The Transformation of Time
On feedback
Here is how a dancer expresses this dimension of the flow experience:“A strong relaxation and calmness comes over me. I have no worries offailure. What a powerful and warm feeling it is! I want to expand, to hugthe world. I feel enormous power to effect something of grace and beauty.” And a chess player: ...I have a general feeling of well-being, and that I am in complete control of my world.”What these respondents are actually describing is the possibility, ratherthan the actuality, of control. The ballet dancer may fall, break her leg, andnever make the perfect turn, and the chess player may be defeated andnever become a champion. But at least in principle, in the world of flowperfection is attainable.This sense of control is also reported in enjoyable activities that involveserious risks, activities that to an outsider would seem to be much morepotentially dangerous than the affairs of normal life. People who practicehang gliding, spelunking, rock climbing, race-car driving, deep-sea diving,and many similar sports for fun are purposefully placing themselves insituations that lack the safety nets of civilized life. Yet all these individualsreport flow experiences in which a heightened sense of control plays animportant part
rather than a pathological thrill that comes from courting disaster, the positive emotion they enjoy isthe perfectly healthy feeling of being able to control potentially dangerousforces.The important thing to realize here is that activities that produce flowexperiences, even the seemingly most risky ones, are so constructed as toallow the practitioner to develop sufficient skills to reduce the margin oferror to as close to zero as possible.
Without enjoyment life can be endured, and it can even be pleasant. Butit can be so only precariously, depending on luck and the cooperation ofthe external environment. To gain personal control over the quality of ex-perience, however, one needs to learn how to build enjoyment into whathappens day in, day out.
What they did to experience enjoyment variedenormously—the elderly Koreans liked to meditate, the teenage Japaneseliked to swarm around in motorcycle gangs—but they described how it feltwhen they enjoyed themselves in almost identical
Moreover, the reasons the activity was enjoyed shared many moresimilarities than differences. In sum, optimal experience, and the psycholo-gical conditions that make it possible, seem to be the same the world over.
First, the experience usually occurs when we confront tasks wehave a chance of completing. Second, we must be able to concentrate onwhat we are doing. Third and fourth, the concentration is usually possiblebecause the task undertaken has clear goals and provides immediatefeedback. Fifth, one acts with a deep but effortless involvement that removesfrom awareness the worries and frustrations of everyday life. Sixth, enjoy-able experiences allow people to exercise a sense of control over their ac-tions. Seventh, concern for the self disappears, yet paradoxically the senseof self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over. Finally, the senseof the duration of time is altered; hours pass by in minutes, and minutescan stretch out to seem like hours. The combination of all these elementscauses a sense of deep enjoyment that is so rewarding people feel that ex-pending a great deal of energy is worthwhile simply to be able to feel it.
differentiation and integration. Differentiation implies a movement toward uniqueness, toward separating oneself from others. Integration refers to its opposite: a union with other people, with ideas andentities beyond the self. A complex self is one that succeeds in combiningthese opposite tendencies
The “battle” is not really against the self, but against the entropy thatbrings disorder to consciousness. It is really a battle for the self; it is a struggle for establishing control over attention. The struggle does notnecessarily have to be physical, as in the case of the climber. But anyonewho has experienced flow knows that the deep enjoyment it provides re-quires an equal degree of disciplined concentration.
These examples illustrate what we mean by optimal experience. Theyare situations in which attention can be freely invested to achieve a person’sgoals, because there is no disorder to straighten out, no threat for the selfto defend against.
Sam had no clearly differentiated goals; he wanted ex-actly what other boys his age are supposed to want, either because of theirgenetic programs or because of what the social environment told them towant—in other words, he thought vaguely of going to college, then laterfinding some kind of well-paying job, getting married, and living some-where in the suburbs. In Bermuda, Sam’s father took him on an excursionto a coral barrier, and they dove underwater to explore the reef. Samcouldn’t believe his eyes. He found the mysterious, beautifully dangerousenvironment so enchanting that he decided to become more familiar withit. He ended up taking a number of biology courses in high school, and isnow in the process of becoming a marine scientist.In Sam’s case an accidental event imposed itself on his consciousness:the challenging beauty of life in the ocean. He had not planned to have thisexperience; it was not the result of his self or his goals having directed at-tention to it. But once he became aware of what went on undersea, Samliked it—the experience resonated with previous things he had enjoyeddoing, with feelings he had about nature and beauty, with priorities aboutwhat was important that he had established over the years. He felt the ex-perience was something good, something worth seeking out again. Thushe built this accidental event into a structure of goals—to learn more aboutthe ocean, to take courses, to go on to college and graduate school, to finda job as a marine biologist—which became a central element of his self.From then on, his goals directed Sam’s attention to focus more and moreclosely on the ocean and on its life, thereby closing the circle of causality.At first attention helped to shape his self, when he noticed the beauties ofthe underwater world he had been exposed to by accident; later, as he in-tentionally sought knowledge in marine biology, his self began to shapehis attention. There is nothing very unusual about Sam’s case, of course;most people develop their attentional structures in similar ways
$$ Self < - Conscious Experiences < - Attention < - Self$$
Self = {Goals/Intent, Average of Conscious Experiences}
Concentration
Self, identity directs Attention? * But what do those first-person pronouns refer to in the lines above, thosewe s and our s that are supposed to control attention? Where is the I, theentity that decides what to do with the psychic energy generated by the nervous system? Where does the captain of the ship, the master ofthe soul, reside? * Sum of the experienced consciousness
Solving a problem is like a party * You must go and ask different members some questions * Investigate/dance and learn the different ways the members interact
’,“,”
consciousness = intentionally ordered information
consciousness
ordering
Intention provides ordering (intent doesn't state why he wants just that he does)
Multiple intentions and hierachies
To enjoy a mental activity, one must meet the same conditions that makephysical activities enjoyable. There must be skill in a symbolic domain;there have to be rules, a goal, and a way of obtaining feedback.
One must be able to concentrate and interact with the opportunities at alevel commensurate with one’s skills.In reality, to achieve such an ordered mental condition is not as easy asit sounds. Contrary to what we tend to assume, the normal state of themind is chaos. Without training, and without an object in the external worldthat demands attention, people are unable to focus their thoughts for morethan a few minutes at a time. It is relatively easy to concentrate when atten-tion is structured by outside stimuli, such as when a movie is playing onthe screen, or when while driving heavy traffic is encountered on the road.If one is reading an exciting book, the same thing occurs, but most readersstill begin to lose concentration after a few pages, and their minds wanderaway from the plot. At that point, if they wish to continue reading, theymust make an effort to force their attention back to the page.We don’t usually notice how little control we have over the mind, becausehabits channel psychic energy so well that thoughts seem to follow eachother by themselves without a hitch. After sleeping we regain consciousnessin the morning when the alarm rings, and then walk to the bathroom andbrush our teeth. The social roles culture prescribes then take care of shapingour minds for us, and we generally place ourselves on automatic pilot tillthe end of the day, when it is time again to lose consciousness in sleep. Butwhen we are left alone, with no demands on attention, the basic disorderof the mind reveals itself. With nothing to do, it begins to follow randompatterns, usually stopping to consider something painful or disturbing.Unless a person knows how to give order to his or her thoughts, attentionwill be attracted to whatever is most problematic at the moment: it willfocus on some real or imaginary pain, on recent grudges or long-termfrustrations. Entropy is the normal state of consciousness—a condition thatis neither useful nor enjoyable.To avoid this condition, people are naturally eager to fill their mindswith whatever information is readily available, as long as it distracts atten-tion from turning inward and dwelling on negative feelings. This explainswhy such a huge proportion of time is invested in watching television,despite the fact that it is very rarely enjoyed. Compared to other sourcesof stimulation—like reading, talking to other people, or working on ahobby—TV can provide continuous and easily accessible information thatwill structure the viewer’s attention, at a very low cost in terms of thepsychic energy that needs to be invested. While people watch television,they need not fear that their drifting minds will force them to face disturbingpersonal problems. It is understandable
The better route for avoiding chaos in consciousness, of course, is throughhabits that give control over mental processes to the individual, rather thanto some external source of stimulation, such as the programs of networkTV. To acquire such habits requires practice, however, and the kind of goalsand rules that are inherent in flow activities. For instance, one of the simplestways to use the mind is daydreaming: playing out some sequence of eventsas mental images.
Importance of memory?
Words
It is important to stress here a fact that is all too often lost sight of:philosophy and science were invented and flourished because thinking is pleasurable.
Great thinkers have always been motivated by the enjoyment of thinkingrather than by the material rewards that could be gained by it.
Democritus had a cheerful disposition, and said that he “calledCheerfulness, and often Confidence, that is a mind devoid of fear, thehighest good.” In other words, he enjoyed life because he had learned to control his consciousness
Character, the sportswriters said. They know it when they see it-its the ability to dig down and find the strength even when things are going against you
From the ashes of 1925, Babe Ruth rose like a rocket. Through discipline.
People in a growth mindset dont just seek challenge, they thrive on it. The bigger the challenge, the more they stretch. And nowhere can it be seen more clearly than in the world of sports. You can just watch people stretch and grow.Mia Hamm, the greatest female soccer star of her time, says it straight out. All my life Ive been playing up, meaning Ive challenged myself with players older, bigger, more skillful, more experienced—in short, better than me. First she played with her older brother. Then at ten, she joined the eleven-year-old boys team. Then she threw herself into the number one college team in the United States. Each day I attempted to play up to their level . . . and I was improving faster than I ever dreamed possible. Patricia Miranda was a chubby, unathletic high school kid who wanted to wrestle. After a bad beating on the mat, she was told, Youre a joke. First she cried, then she felt: That really set my resolve . . . I had to keep going and had to know if effort and focus and belief and training could somehow legitimize me as a wrestler. Where did she get this resolve? Miranda was raised in a life devoid of challenge. But when her mother died of an aneurysm at age forty, ten-year-old Miranda came up with a principle. When youre lying on your deathbed, one of the cool things to say is, ‘I really explored myself. This sense of urgency was instilled when my mom died. If you only go through life doing stuff thats easy, shame on you. So when wrestling presented a challenge, she was ready to take it on. Her effort paid off. At twenty-four, Miranda was having the last laugh. She won the spot for her weight group on the U.S. Olympic team and came home from Athens with a bronze medal. And what was next? Yale Law School. People urged her to stay where she was already on top, but Miranda felt it was more exciting to start at the bottom again and see what she could grow into this time
What is it that you want to do?
Kids who are born smart don't do mistakes, they told us.
Examples
Academia
One day, you go to a class that is really important to you and that you like a lot. The professor returns the midterm papers to the class. You got a C+. Youre very disappointed. That evening on the way back to your home, you find that youve gotten a parking ticket. Being really frustrated, you call your best friend to share your experience but are sort of brushed of
So how would they cope? I wouldnt bother to put so much time and effort into doing well in anything. (In other words, dont let anyone measure you again.) Do nothing. Stay in bed. Get drunk. Eat. Yell at someone if I get a chance to. Eat chocolate. Listen to music and pout. Go into my closet and sit there. Pick a fight with somebody. Cry. Break something. What is there to do
What is there to do! You know, when I wrote the vignette, I intentionally made the grade a C+, not an F. It was a midterm rather than a final. It was a parking ticket, not a car wreck. They were sort of brushed off, not rejected outright
Job Career
When I was a young woman, I wanted a prince-like mate. Very handsome, very successful. A big cheese. I wanted a glamorous career, but nothing too hard or risky. And I wanted it all to come to me as validation of who I was. It would be many years before I was satisfied. I got a great guy, but he was a work in progress. I have a great career, but boy, is it a constant challenge. Nothing was easy. So why am I satisfied? I changed my mindse
Analogies to surfing